And now for something completely different. This is a PC goblin for players who like rolling on random tables, and having weird and unfortunate things happen to their characters.
The table assumes a d20 system a la 5th edition. Adjust as necessary.
GOBLINS AS PLAYABLE BEINGS IN A D&D TYPE GAME
If you are a goblin, you can reroll failed skill/ability checks (not saves or attacks) if you want.
If the second roll also fails, you must roll on the Goblin Fumble Table.
GOBLIN FUMBLE TABLE (1d100)
01-05: You seem to (?) fail on purpose. Everyone is annoyed with you.
06-10: You trip or cut yourself, taking 1d6 damage.
11-15: The items you are using break. If you aren't using items, your clothes and armor break and fall off.
16-20: You faint. You wake up in 1d10 x 10 minutes, unless someone else wakes you up.
21-25: You fail in an extremely comical fashion. Everyone who sees it must make a Wis save DC 15 or fall over from laughter.
26-30: You slip and zoom off 30' in an unfortunate direction.
31-35: You drop all of your equipment. It scatters every which way.
36-40: You screw things up so that future attempts have +2 difficulty.
41-45: Your failure makes you insecure. Your skill bonus is permanently lowered by 1.
46-50: You learn from your failure. Your skill bonus is permanently raised by 1.
51-52: 1d6 other goblins show up and laugh at you.
53-54: You are distracted by a gem on the floor, not noticed by anyone else.
55-56: You are distracted by an attacking monster, not noticed by anyone else.
57-58: You get hungry and must eat a ration. Until you do, you must reroll all successful d20 rolls.
59-60: You really need to use the bathroom. Until you do, you must reroll all successful d20 rolls.
61-62: You get wrapped up in your clothes and fall over, wriggling. Dex roll DC 20 to free yourself, or get help from someone else.
63-64: You despair at your incompetence, and sit down to cry. You cry for 1 hour or until someone spends 10 minutes consoling you.
65-66: Your hands become slippery from sweat. You can't hold on to anything for 1 hour.
67-68: An arrogant type shows up, easily succeeds at what you failed at, and grins.
69-70: Another goblin, with a kink for incompetence, arrives. They want to show you how to do it correctly, in close physical proximity (hands-on-hands-golf-instructor style).
71: You accidentally perform arcane movements or speak magical words. You cast a random spell, of a random level, at random targets.
72: Turns out whatever you were trying to do was next to impossible, for some reason.
73: The god of what you failed at notices you, and is angered.
74: You become obsessed with succeeding. You must try the same thing again and again until you succeed. If you can't try again, your Wisdom is permanently lowered by 1.
75: Your attempt is interrupted as you suffer a random mutation.
76: Somewhere a wizard watches you in their crystal ball, and guffaws. They brew a potion that gives a +5 bonus to what you were trying to do (lasts 1 hour) and teleport one bottle to you. Brewing the potion takes the wizard 1d6 hours.
77: It's your unlucky day. For the rest of the day you can't reroll failed rolls, and must roll on the fumble table for every failed skill check and attack roll.
78: You become overly cautious. Everything you do (including eg. moving and attacking) takes twice as long. Lasts until you succeed on a meaningful skill or attack roll.
79: You are so ashamed, you become invisible. Lasts until you succeed on a meaningful skill or attack roll.
80: You start sneezing. Whenever you do something a sneeze can interrupt (attacking, talking etc) there is a 50% risk that's exactly what happens. The sneezes continue for an hour.
81: You start raging, like a barbarian. While the rage lasts you must attack someone every turn (friend or foe) unless you pass a Wis save DC 15.
82: You shrink to half size or grow to double size, whichever is worse for what you were trying to do. As small you have +2 AC and -4 Str, as big you have -2 AC and +4 Str. Lasts for an hour.
83: An annoying fly sabotages you. It follows you and gives you -1 to all d20 rolls. It has AC 20.
84: A gossipmonger sees your failure. You become locally famous as really bad at what you were trying to do.
85: You fingers stick to anything they touch. If you wear gloves, so do the gloves. Lasts for an hour.
86: Something falls on your head and deals 1d6 damage. What it is depends on your surroundings: rock, flowerpot, dead bird, etc.
87: Your head falls off. You can still control your body, but it's difficult if you can't see it. After an hour you get a headache, and can reattach your head.
88: You stumble through an undiscovered secret door or trapdoor.
89: A choir of small animals show up and sing a peppy song about never giving up.
90: 1d2 of your parents show up. They sigh.
91: You spill all food and drink you are carrying, and fall into it face first. If you have none, you fall into the closest food that's out in the open.
92: Something gets stuck in your throat, dealing 1 damage per turn. Con-save DC 15 to cough it up. When you do, roll 1d6 to see what it is: 1 gold piece, 2 dagger, 3 poisonous snake, 4 cascade of water lasting three turns, 5 burning oil, 6 scrap of paper with embarassing secret about you.
93: It starts raining. If it's already raining, a hail begins. If you are indoors, there is a roof leak above your head.
94: Your body is frozen in its current pose. You can't move anything except your head. Lasts for an hour.
95: You smell bad, to a range of 30'. Lasts for an hour.
96: You believe/hallucinate that you succeeded. It takes you 2d6 turns to realize the truth.
97: You hurt yourself slightly (1 damage), but it at least appears extremely painful. Everyone who sees it must pass a Wis save DC 15 or take 1d6 psychic damage.
98: Time slows down, and a devil offers you to succeed on your attempt, in exchange for a sliver of your soul (1 maximum HP).
99: Your consciousness leaves your body and becomes one with the universe. An unknown spirit takes over your body. You (the player) becomes the GM, and the GM takes over your character. This continues until either of you wants to switch back.
100: You succeed perfectly, better than any goblin ever. You gain 1d100 XP.
